pickle

Road Shoes

You've all seen them... sitting all alone on the median between the lanes of highway or on the shoulder. Shoes. Only one of a pair, thats all there ever is. No matter what season there are always road shoes out there.

Where do they come from? I've always wondered about that. Where do these mysterious shoes come from, who do they belong to? How did the owners lose them?

I can understand finding a flipflop on the side of the road, possibly someone was driving with their feet sticking out, the wind caught it and poof, goodbye shoe. But gym shoes? Boots? High heels? Why? How?

I'VE GOT A JOB!!!!

OK, so how awesome is this???

Left my job on Saturday
Sent out resumes on Monday
Interviewed on Tuesday
Start my job on Wednesday!

Go me! Go me!

I'm a jobless bum

But that won't last for long.

Today I faxed out 19 resumes and I e-mailed 3 others. I posted my resume at Monster.com as well.

I also cleaned out two bird cages, vacuumed the house, and I made dinner for the family. I made chicken and rice casserole with greenbeans. I also made a fresh loaf of french bread.

I'm thinking tomorrow I'll make spaghetti. I mean, I might as well cook, I don't have anything else to do. Though I will be cleaning my room tomorrow. It's a mess. And I need to wash some socks. Rearrange a few things here or there on my desk and shelves.

Yes it's a glamourous life I lead.

The Wedding

My brother, Kirk, is getting married on October 28th. I am a bridesmaid. My dress doesn't fit.

You know what this means....

DIET!!!

I'm actually excited about this and I've been pondering ways to help it along. So far I've thought of this:

1. Only 1 Pepsi a day
2. NO MORE MAC & CHEESE
3. Tae-Bo
4. No constant snacking

The first and last will be the hardest of the group. I'm addicted to Pepsi and I usually snack all day long. But I've formulated a plan to help me out with the snacking thing.

When I get the urge to start munching I'll pick up some knitting or a journal or sketchbook and concentrate on something else until the urge passes. If it doesn't after a long while, I'll slice up a pickle and eat a bit of that.

Of course this is all good in theory, but the execution will be a little more elusive. But when I look at the pretty dress I can wear, or the plain sack of a dress that I'd have to have altered to fit me, it'll be worth the effort to lose the weight and wear the nicer of the two.

I'm Bad

How bad am I? Well... I'm so bad that I didn't even go to my last day of work at Osco. Why? Because I don't want to. Because I'm a lazy bum. Because the manager that I was supposed to work with all day long was picking on me yesterday and I don't feel like being at her mercy for 8 long hours. Because I'm bad.

Here was my argument with myself:
Myself: I should really go in... I mean... it's my last day!

Me: Nah. Stay at home! Read! Knit! Watch Buffy! Clip your toenails! Anything will be better than 8 hours at Osco.

Myself: But... but... that would be wrong!

Me: How they treated you for 4 years... that was wrong!

Myself: I suppose you're right... but still... (See... I'm a bad influence on Myself)

Me: Think about it. A whole long day all to yourself. You could do anything you want!

Myself: Well... well... I guess... maybe... but-

Me: No buts!

I: Oh just stay home for cripesake!

So it was decided and so I shall. And you know what? I don't feel bad at all. Nope. Not a bit.

Perpetually Single

PERPETUAL : continuing forever : EVERLASTING b (1) : valid for all time (2) : holding (as an office) for life or for an unlimited time 2 : occurring continually : indefinitely long-continued

SINGLE : not married b : of or relating to celibacy 2 : unaccompanied by others : LONE, SOLE

Just so we're all clear on the definition of my status, there are the dictionary definitions, copied and pasted from the websters website.

You see... I've decided that I'm undatable. Totally. It's like... Kelly is to Guys as Kryptonite is to Superman. I drive them away at super speeds.

Example: Two Saturdays ago I went out to do some kareoke with my friend Anna. And there was this cute guy sitting next to us and we started chatting and exchanged numbers and I was all "Yay! I met a guy! They aren't allergic to me!"

But the problem is that I'm selfish. Very selfish. And I'm not an affectionate person. Not in the beginning of a relationship at least. I've been hurt too deeply to invest all my heart in a person right away.

So when said guy began calling everyday, sometimes twice a day, I got a little irked. I don't even talk to my family every day and I live with them. So I took the coward's way out, I e-mailed him and ended it. Nicely. I told him, honestly, that I can't give him what he seems to need right now. And I don't.

I feel better, I do. I mean, it was such a pressure to return all those calls. I never knew what the hell to say when I did call. I'm one of those 'if I want to talk to you, you'll know because I'll call' people.

He was a great guy, don't get me wrong. We got along great and had a lot in common, but it was just... too much pressure for me right now. I don't know... maybe I'm just a wimp.

So cute

Bonjour! I am, how you say, Riley, the French puppy d'amour.

(It only works if you imagine a bad French accent)

Booklists

So I was talking with a friend at work, discussing books he should read and stuff like that and I got to thinking about my own reading slump. I think I have this sort of... mental block built up against little Oliver Twist. It's very sad, I know, but I think I may have to set the book aside. So I'm juggling my reading list around and here's the new arrangement:

Finished Books:
Treasure Island* DONE!!!
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince DONE!!!

New List:
Middlemarch *
It
The Magician's Nephew
Lady Audley's Secret *
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Wizard's First Rule
Mary Barton *
Much Ado About Nothing
The Importance of Being Earnest *
Tess of the D'Urbervilles *
Beauty
Emma *
Jurassic Park
Wives and Daughters *
The Hobbit
The Life of Charlotte Bronte *
Pride and Prejudice *
The Victorians
Oliver Twist *

* Signifies Victorian Era Literature

That's the new arrangement, with a few more books tossed in for good measure. Now I just need to find time and force myself to fall into the habit of reading. Once I find a 9-5 job it'll be easier, I can set aside time each evening.

Which reminds me... I quit my job! Yes, this upcoming Saturday will be my last at Osco Drug. I'll post the celebration schedule as the time draws closer.

Journals

I'll make a confession. I own about a dozen journals. Nice ones. Suede covered, designer covered, blank pages, lined pages, handcrafted ones, ones with quotes from famous people on the tops and bottoms of the pages, ones with hard covers, ones with soft covers, one with Alice in Wonderland pictures... I'm in love with journals.

Having said that, I'll make another confession... very few of them have anything written inside. You see, my life is very boring, as you may well have figured out by reading my blog. And nothing seems important enough to write down inside such nice journals. Of course that doesn't stop me from buying them. Or getting them as gifts.

I have a shelf next to my bed, where I always have at least one journal waiting. Why? Because sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with something stuck in my head. An idea, a character for a short story, a poem, some bit of philosophy. I'll grab the book, scribble it down and go back to sleep.

I also have a reading journal, where I write my reflections about books that I've read. I don't use it as often as I should, probably because I don't keep it next to my bed, where I do most of my reading. I'll probably move it tomorrow, now that I've thought of it. But I may forget.

I also saw a preview today, for The Brothers Grimm, a movie about the writers of the wonderfully violent stories that Disney has twisted and molded into cheerful little musical cartoons with amazingly domesticated animals who like to help clean houses. It opens August 26th, I will certainly be there.

Oh My Back...

If you want to be my bestest friend ever then all you need to do is sign me up (and pay for) a nice spa day including a back massage because my back is killing me. You see, thanks to a certain ex who shall remain nameless and who started me on it, I crack my back. Yes, my ex boyfriend got me addicted to crack(ing my back) I'm sure you've seen (or more likely heard) someone who does that. Sits on the floor and twists and makes all sort of cracks and snaps and other fun noises from their spine. And usually it makes you feel better.

But not today. Today, while I was at work, I sat down on the floor and cracked my back because it was getting stiff. Little twist this way, crunch crack snapple pop, little twist that way, crunch pop crack crack OW! Usually I can do this without the ow, but not today. I figured that it would pass and I stood up to resume work. But now my back was spasiming. It got so bad I had to go find another employee to pound on my back for a while to get rid of the knot that had appeared. Strangely enough, a lot of people were more than happy to punch my back... hmm... It worked for a while but seriously, anyone who wants to buy me a spa package, that'd be great. I could use a pedicure too...

Sloth Appreciation Day!

Yes, you read right. Today is National Sloth Appreciation Day. And no, I'm not talking about one of the seven deadly sins. I'm talking about sloths!




Those adorable moving carpets of the animal world. I mean... look at this face!




Look at those eyes! At the little piggy snout. How can you not love them? But wait... here's the money shot...




Baby Sloth!! The cuteness! It's too much!!
Thank you Animal Planet for inspiring me to make today National Sloth Appreciation Day. Please, spread the joy and hug a sloth.

Cell Phone Bills and Other Such Nonsense

So yeah, the cosmos is against me paying my cellphone bill, it really is. I went on Tuesday to pay and the store was closed. I went today before work, the damn payment center was broken and wasn't accepting credit cards. And my brain was working so well that I forgot that I had my checkbook with me and instead walked off in a huff without paying after the employee I asked to pay snapped rather rudely at me. Ah well, tomorrow morning I'll take a walk over there to pay. It's close enough... but wait, hmm... weather says rainy. Even better.

Yay! Check this out!!! I can't wait! Now if I could only finish reading the damn book...

Speaking of books I ventured out to the library the other day and checked out Sickened, which I saw at Barnes and Noble when it was first published and have been dying to read ever since. I'll give a full review as soon as I read it.

Tattoos

Thanks to shows like Miami Ink and Inked I've been thinking a lot about a tattoo. Not that the idea hasn't been on my mind before. See, when I went to Las Vegas for New Years last year I wanted to get one, but no one would let me.

I've been thinking about what I would get, what sort of mark would I allow on my body forever and I think I've got it.

My first real memory of reading poetry is Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven. My grade school, which just happened to be named after said author, had this wonderfully old copy of his works and I think I had it check out to myself until I left that school. I would read and reread that poem, I always loved it.

I think I'd like to get a raven, maybe on my arm. With "Nevermore" underneath it. I don't want it to be gothic, I want it because that's a poem that I love. Something that I know I'll always like. I can still recite a pretty good chunk of the poem from memory. And I read it at least once a month. I dunno... I'll have to think about it. Maybe for my birthday...

Migraines Suck!!

Yes, you read right. I spent the totality of today lost in the agonies of a migraine. Now, if you've never had one, let me take a moment to enlighten you...

You first feel it coming on with a subtle wave of nausea that makes your stomach clench. Then a little silver dot appears in your vision. A swirling gray sort of dot that overtakes your sight from one side to the other before moving off. That is the warning. Then the migraine comes.

Rays of light are like daggers, peircing into your skull. It burns and aches and throbs. Sound, any sound, is far too excruciating to be allowed. It echoes all around your head and pounds against the inside of your skull. And the simple act of standing up from a chair is hell. The throb in your temple that you can almost ignore while you're still becomes all you can focus on. It makes the world spin and often can be enough to draw tears to your eyes. Then it eases off to something weaker, but still painful. At least until you sit down again. Any sudden motion sets off the throbbing agony inside your temple.

The long and short of it is that migraines suck. And unless you've had one you cannot imagine the pain and how it consumes you.

See Robin

I've been dying to post this since we went to the Renaissance faire on the 10th of July, but my photo support server hasn't been cooperating with the larger scale photos. So after a bit of trimming and tweaking, here it is!

See Robin...

Oh so sexy! Note the manly stance. The hat, the boots... the baboon red pants.

See Robin's arse...

Oh so yummy!

See Robin catch Kelly taking picture of Robin's arse...

Please note the oh so masculine chest hair. The coy and flirty smirk on his face. You know he loved it!

An Ode to my Car

I drive the best car in the world. It's a tiny little Ford Festiva, bright smurf blue, and gets about 100 miles to the gallon. It's been through hell and back, but my baby still gets me to where I need to go.

Monday night, while working, we had the biggest storm I've seen in a long time. And there was my little car, sitting in about 10 inches of water. Which is bad because she only sits about 8 inches off of the ground herself. So the inside was soaked. The next day, because of the water, my brakes froze up on me and I had to have them replaced. Grr. But my car is back in commission again and I feel it's time she gets her moment in the spotlight. So, without further ado... An Ode to my Car

Broken headlight

Dented hood

Scuffed up bumper

It don't look good

Pathetic horn

Obnoxious blue

Call it a dork-mobile

The Smurf turd too.

The seats are stained

There are spots of rust

It's ok, I understand

Laugh if you must.

The mileage is awesome

A blast to drive

A full tank will cost

Just a ten and a five.

No it's not a toy,

Doesn't drive by remote

Better to go in an SUV

Or a huge Cadillac boat?

No I'll take my little car

With her dents and her flaws

Cause under all that stuff

She's the best there ever was.