What a day...
I'm not sure what happened today...
I slept through both my classes (that I blame on my having to work 40 hours this week), woke up and cleaned my entire room, top to bottom, and just chilled out for a while. It was very nice. Then I did a little Tae Bo (Billy Blanks is a sexy, sexy man), took a shower and fell into a blue funk.
I know what caused it. My sister and I have been fighting a lot lately. The problem is that when we fight, she gets physically violent. In the past few days I've had things thrown at me, been hit with a dog chain, had a shoe thrown at my laptop, been punched, kicked, scratched, and otherwise abused. But all that isn't the worst part. What gets to me is that my family brushes it off because they never see her temper. They tell me I'm exaggerating or making it up, or that it can't have been that bad because she didn't leave any marks. They laugh about it, like it's a joke. It's not funny. And I don't doubt at all that one day she's going to really hurt me. I'm going to end up with a broken bone or a bad cut that needs stitches, or something like that. And when that happens it'll all explode. Kari, that's my sister, will be really really seriously punished and in a way that isn't fair either. They don't discipline her now, at all. Wait, I take that back. If she leaves a mark then she'll lose TV for a day or so. But nothing else. They don't try to get her into anger management or to see a doctor. It's just brushed off. So when soemthing really bad does happen she won't understand why she's being punished.
The worst thing about our fights is that I can't hit her. She'd handicapped, mentally, and if I so much as slap her hand away when she's coming at me it makes me feel like the world's biggest villian. So there's no way for me to stop her besides letting her take out her temper.
I just don't know what to do. It's really hard for me because I do love my sister and I do understand that she's handicapped and doesn't think in the same ways that everyone else does, but sometimes it's just hard. When you're being hurt and no one cares or bothers to try and help. It's like I don't really matter enough for anyone to bother. But now I'm just singing the poor me song. I dunno...
I'll be at the dorms soon. So all the problems will be solved at once. She won't be near me so she won't beat on me, and my parents will have a chance to miss me and realize that I do matter. It's just not fair that I should have to leave my own house to prove that I'm worth caring about... man am I depressed. Sleep should help. Sleep off the blue funk.
I slept through both my classes (that I blame on my having to work 40 hours this week), woke up and cleaned my entire room, top to bottom, and just chilled out for a while. It was very nice. Then I did a little Tae Bo (Billy Blanks is a sexy, sexy man), took a shower and fell into a blue funk.
I know what caused it. My sister and I have been fighting a lot lately. The problem is that when we fight, she gets physically violent. In the past few days I've had things thrown at me, been hit with a dog chain, had a shoe thrown at my laptop, been punched, kicked, scratched, and otherwise abused. But all that isn't the worst part. What gets to me is that my family brushes it off because they never see her temper. They tell me I'm exaggerating or making it up, or that it can't have been that bad because she didn't leave any marks. They laugh about it, like it's a joke. It's not funny. And I don't doubt at all that one day she's going to really hurt me. I'm going to end up with a broken bone or a bad cut that needs stitches, or something like that. And when that happens it'll all explode. Kari, that's my sister, will be really really seriously punished and in a way that isn't fair either. They don't discipline her now, at all. Wait, I take that back. If she leaves a mark then she'll lose TV for a day or so. But nothing else. They don't try to get her into anger management or to see a doctor. It's just brushed off. So when soemthing really bad does happen she won't understand why she's being punished.
The worst thing about our fights is that I can't hit her. She'd handicapped, mentally, and if I so much as slap her hand away when she's coming at me it makes me feel like the world's biggest villian. So there's no way for me to stop her besides letting her take out her temper.
I just don't know what to do. It's really hard for me because I do love my sister and I do understand that she's handicapped and doesn't think in the same ways that everyone else does, but sometimes it's just hard. When you're being hurt and no one cares or bothers to try and help. It's like I don't really matter enough for anyone to bother. But now I'm just singing the poor me song. I dunno...
I'll be at the dorms soon. So all the problems will be solved at once. She won't be near me so she won't beat on me, and my parents will have a chance to miss me and realize that I do matter. It's just not fair that I should have to leave my own house to prove that I'm worth caring about... man am I depressed. Sleep should help. Sleep off the blue funk.
posted by Just A Knit Wit @ 12:06 AM
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